18 October 2006
self portrait #35
I am not up to the self portrait challenge this month. I'm feeling a little too vulnerable to aim the camera directly at all my imperfections. something raw and a little broken just beneath the surface and one crack just might do me in. consider that my big imperfection this month: I'm not willing to show you the new lines around my eyes, the extra flab on my body, my dirty hair.
I applaud those who are bravely taking us there, though. despite my refusal to participate, I do believe our flaws make us unequivocally real. and real is beautiful. real is the new beautiful. but lately, I am finding it harder and harder to see the real in people out there. we are so afraid to age, to be exactly who we are. although I have the anti-aging moisturizers, the eye creams and 47 tubes of lip gloss that betray me and my words here. I struggle, I do. I want to find the balance between embracing exactly who I am at this particular moment in my life and taking care of myself in a way that is well-deserved. it's a thin line, y'all-- a slippery slope. sometimes I find myself dangerously close to caring way too much.
(more imperfections here)