05 May 2006
(can't remember where, though I think cincinnati. can't remember when, though I think 1992)
by the skin of my teeth, here I am. I don't think I can write too much more today, I can't. I might just be all worded out. but these things have saved me:
1. picking ava up from school-- she was wearing a grocery bag like a poncho which had been decorated with hand-drawn chili peppers and sombreros. nearly impossible to resist a smile, albeit a small one.
2. getting out of the house and taking the kids to the book store where a coloring book was promptly purchased. and then next door to the drug store for a matchbox car. and then ice cream for everybody! it started to pour down rain and I decided not to care about everyone getting wet. the kids, they thought the running in the rain was magic.
3. a night time walk (alone) where eric b. and rakim blasted through my headphones. and de la soul. and mars ill. and mos def. and tribe called quest. and the roots. and jurassic five. and so on and so on. music played much louder than what is recommended and the moon was shining bright. if I could somehow bottle this combination of intangible elements and take it daily like some sort of wonder drug/multivitamin... well, duh. I would.
4. the comments and emails that have been left for me, sent to me since early yesterday. I was humbled by the outpouring and sat in the bathroom and sobbed over it. writing the words, putting them out there-- I felt so vulnerable when I hit the 'publish' button earlier today, felt as if I was screaming out to be heard. and you heard and you responded and I'm forever grateful. my head feels a little more in the right place, a little more screwed on, with just the right amount of swivel.
but about photobooth friday-- I have to be completely honest and say that I had been planning on posting this one of me and ward. then we had The Argument and I didn't feel so much like posting it. ah, what a difference twelve hours can make. sunday, may 7th is the anniversary of our first kiss. I had planned to write about that kiss, about how we first met and the drama that played out that first hot summer together. another day, another day-- because I do believe it's a story worth telling. that first kiss was the perfect mixture of both awkwardness and electricity, enough to keep the kissing going for sixteen years. holy smokes, SIXTEEN YEARS. and the kisses, they are still SO. GOOD. even when we are fighting. especially when we are fighting.
these are doing me a world of good today. more more more of the photobooth, I say:
sewn with gold threads
the whole self