121/365

things I want to remember about march:

electric yellow forsythia
the making of a buttery oniony heavenly marcella tomato sauce
the making of it again and again 
my first silent book club
ezra's sculpture on exhibit, my heart burst wide open
a box of clothes from the nineties, unearthed
the ordering of a clear bubble umbrella
sumo oranges, gold nugget mandarins
the sky on fire over ponce
things I wanted to tell my newly sixteen year-old niece and her friends, but didn't
sunrise over the city, twenty-one floors up, hotel like a space ship
marshmallow peeps received from my dad in the mail, handwritten letter, twenty dollar bill taped to the box
flower petals like paper confetti, all over our driveway
swirling in shopping mall parking lots, on highways and sidewalks
caught in veinous concrete cracks underneath the most unremarkable parkways
papery petals everywhere, I tell you, the onslaught of spring 
my hands drawn by ava, exquisitely, on a monday afternoon
the sketchbook of hellos, thrifted
the kids in the hammock, reading 
nape of my neck now completely bare, tufts of hair at my feet
my favorite rauschenberg on the very last day of the month
honey light in the living room around seven, finally
and that cardinal song

120/365

the only life hacks I'm really interested in:

juice from jars of maraschino cherries poured directly into glasses of lemonade
chocolate cake stuffed inside empty jam jars for smuggling into movie theatres
canvas drop cloths at the ready to throw over any messes I no longer wish to look at and/or deal with

119/365

lists I started to make tonight but promptly deleted:

reasons I broke up with my laundromat
spectacular falls I have taken
things about grief

118/365

things seen on my walk yesterday:

bloom explosions like tiny lilac firecrackers
a tree stump the size of a small car
three little free libraries
one bright orange door
one pink plastic ribbon
folks on bikes, everywhere
swirls of pale yellow pollen in every puddle, every single one
and a cardinal, that swooped past at the very last minute

three years ago

march, three years ago (march, a lifetime ago)

117/365

things we are doing right now, right this second, as I am sitting here writing this:

wishing for cake
wishing for ice cream
talking to our cats
pretending the dishes from dinner are not everywhere
watching videos about liza minelli and lamps
counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds, the nanoseconds til spring break

116/365

songs that are doing it for me today:

peach fuzz (KMD)
ok, meet me underwater (jay som)
beating myself up (cuckoolander)

(thank you for that last one, tracy)

115/365

seen at the thrifts this morning:

a giant plastic golden key
seven televisions
four bamboo parasols
thirteen danielle steele novels
thirty-five pairs of rubber turquoise flip flops
a brass turtle holding a pair of salt and pepper shakers
an unfinished cross stitch piece
jimmy swaggart on vinyl
the shooter's bible, 103rd edition (not even kidding)
a bubblegum pink beanbag, primarily beanless
a sketchbook with the word HELLO scribbled in pencil on every single one of the first thirty-three pages

(yes of course I bought that sketchbook)

114/365

small pleasures, part six:

birthday candles
empty bonne maman jam jars
book stacks
car singing
shower singing
maraschino cherries
motel neon

113/365

things I wish I still had, part one:

my 110 camera
my charlie's angels lunchbox
my OG roller skates with the royal blue stripes
my dad's brown leather maranatha wrist cuff
and all his old adidas shirts from the seventies
my very first pair of brown wooden clogs
also, my twenty-something optimism
and the missing piece from my mom's sterling silver dogwood ring that, unbeknownst to me, broke off whilst I was in a department store dressing room rage, trying on a thousand horrible, miserable bras

112/354

films I am crazy excited to see this year:

the last black man in san francisco
amazing grace
synonyme
us
diane
family
the farewell
booksmart
her smell
satan + adam
little women

111/365

things that can always, always be found in my purse, part one:

lip gloss

reading glasses

confetti

110/365

things to do this spring:

open windows
hoard orange jelly beans
read books under exploding trees 
walk down streets in unknown neighborhoods
color easter eggs til fingers are sufficiently stained
defend marshmallow peeps
defend defend defend
buy records
pick strawberries
steam asparagus
shoot polaroids
share polaroids
pack up car
get out of town
plant things
plant things
I WILL PLANT THINGS

109/365

things that delighted me today:

episodes of shrill
a seat by the window
the very idea of a poppy apocalypse

108/365

the sun came up this morning and I got out of bed and I tried again. and, I made it. I made it to the end of another day. tonight:

still a little tired
not nearly as scared
still hopeful
still hopeful
still hopeful

107/365

sometimes when I sit down at the end of the day to write this list, I just feel lost. lost. when this happens, I try very hard to write down the real things. not the things I think might make for a good list, but the real things. tonight:

I'm tired
I'm scared
I'm hopeful

tomorrow, the sun will rise and we will try again.

106/365

three things I believe to be worthy investments:

a good book
a good bra
the development of any/all rolls of film

105/365

photobooths visited, from earliest personal memory to present:

six flags (st. louis, mo) (1970-something)
woolworths (somewhere in illinois) (1979)
mall drug store (bloomington, il) (multiple visits,1982-1988) 
shopping mall (st. louis, mo) (1984)
k-mart (milford, oh) (multiple visits, 1988-1989)
department store (tokyo, japan) (1989)
ed debevics (chicago, il) (1990)
hickory point mall (decatur, il) (multiple visits, 1989-1991)
forest fair mall (cincinnati, oh) (1991)
pharmor drugs (atlanta, ga) (1992)
six flags (atlanta, ga) (1992)
six flags (st. louis, mo) (1997)
soho gift shop (new york, ny) (multiple visits,1996-1999)
diner (houston, tx) (2001)
star bar (atlanta, ga) (multiple visits, 2003-2006)
city museum (st. louis, mo) (multiple visits, 2003-2007)
company christmas party (atlanta, ga) (2005)
outdoor mall (myrtle beach, sc) (2006)
unknown bar (new york, ny) (2006)
midtown shopping center (new york, ny) (2006) 
mall of georgia (suwanee, ga) (2006)
ace hotel (portland, or) (multiple, I mean muuuuultiple visits, 2007-2014)
little finnegan's (portland, or) (multiple visits, 2007-2012)
rose festival city fair (portland, or) (multiple visits, 2008-2011)
the florida room (portland, or) (multiple visits, 2008-2012)
musee mecanique (san francisco, ca) (2008)
haight street vintage shop (san francisco, ca) (2008)
house of vintage (portland, or) (multiple visits, 2009-2013)
voodoo doughnuts (portland, or) (multiple visits, 2010-2012)
archie mcphee's (seattle, wa) (multiple visits, 2011-2014)
ace hotel (palm springs, ca) (multiple visits, 2012-2014)
rayko photo center (san francisco, ca) (multiple visits, 2012-2015)
west egg cafe (atlanta, ga) (2011)
bon-ton (paris, france) (2013)
novelty shop (port townsend, wa) (2013)
gift shop (savannah, ga) (multiple visits, 2015-2016)
criminal records (atlanta, ga) (multiple visits, 2015-2018)
ace hotel (portland, or) (multiple visits, 2015-2018)
ace hotel (new york, ny) (2015)
the smith (new york, ny) (2016)
cargo (portland, or) (2018)
quimby's book store (chicago, il) (2018)
ace hotel (new orleans, la) (2018)

104/365

three things about today:

open windows
cats in sunspots
petals on the driveway, like confetti

103/365

lists I loved to make when I was a kid:

party ideas
what to pack for camp
stories to write
clothes and records to buy
ways to be thinner and prettier

(yes I know-- the last one is sad)

102/365

things I miss, part one:

dance class
a toddler in the crook of my hip
my twenty-something eyebrows
phone conversations with my mom
a president who reads
the oregon coast
health insurance
idealism

101/365

a few people I met tonight at my very first silent book club:

lauren, who was reading the joy luck club
erin, who was reading the power
nicholas, who was reading hope never dies
cherie, who was reading her veterans health benefits handbook

p.s. I love silent book club. I love it. I love it.

100/365

ways I will celebrate making one hundred lists for one hundred days:

leave confetti in odd places around the house
find (and consume) all hidden candies and chocolates
give myself an imaginary award that can also be worn like a cape 
deliver my acceptance speech in the shower
plan an imaginary train trip across the country
purchase a pretzel at sonic
make more lists

99/365

things that are free, part one:

walks
libraries
flowers that grow wild along the highway
those tiny cups of coffee at trader joe's

the swings at the park

window-shopping

people-watching
bike rides

98/365

photographers who have greatly influenced me, photographers I find wildly inspiring:

dorothea lange
mary ellen mark
helen levitt
wendy ewald
carrie mae weems
diane arbus
graciela iturbide
sheila pree bright
vivian maier
elsa dorfman
uta barth
zoe strauss

(happy international women's day, my friends)

97/365

feverishly working on:

site 
zines
self

february in photographs

(this is what hope looks like)

96/365

things adults once told me, part one:

you should not eat that one thing
you will always struggle with your weight
you will never pull it off

95/365

things I want to remember about february:

the discovery of cara cara oranges

the discovery of a secret entrance to the creek

geese wandering in suburban shopping mall parking lots

overheard conversations in the lobby of the hotel clermont

losing myself in films and documentaries for an entire week

long walks in the neighborhood

a love letter to my library

a valentine in my mailbox from my friend gudrun

the tree in front, slowly exploding with cotton white blooms

the look on ezra's face when I gave him a beater covered in pink frosting

the look on ava's face while visiting an excellent college art department

takeout chinese and cherry cider and fortune cookies on valentines day

small embroidered daisies found at salvation army for a dollar, promptly added to the gallery wall

double dutch bus vinyl found at an old used book store for three dollars, promptly put into heavy rotation

branches cut from trees in the backyard, brought inside and put in jars

dollar store candles lining my mantle

the inordinate amount of cakes I baked 

the making of my first roux

the saturday night my dad drove all the way from illinois to surprise me

a pot of tea with scones and clotted cream and jam

winter hammock swinging

christmas lights up on the front of the house, still

january in photographs

94/365

people I think I could have been:

librarian
set designer
high school art teacher
high school english teacher
decorator of cakes

93/365

small pleasures, part five:

postcards
paint chips
old school motel room keys
bubble gum machines
warm bath robes
toasted marshmallows
the smell of bread baking

92/365

books I read in february:

devotions: the selected poems of mary oliver (mary oliver)
upstream: selected essays (mary oliver)
the little friend (donna tartt)
jimmy's blues and other poems (james baldwin)
america (zoe strauss)

91/365

on this first (rather personally unusual) day of march:

dress, ironed
good breakfast, consumed
expectations, heightened
college, visited
scholarship interview, completed
long drive home, feet up on dash

(it was a big day for ava)