today, she would have been 68. my mom would have been 68. two years ago today, she wore that little crown, blew that little party horn. I sent them in a package, gave her strict instructions, I made sure said instructions were followed. I couldn't be there to celebrate with her but I sent a box full of happy in my place. and I'm thankful that at least there was that. but oh to have hopped on a plane, to have been with her one last birthday.
today, I will buy her favorite flowers. listen to her favorite music, watch her favorite movies. I will wear her favorite silver dogwood ring, her favorite turquoise bracelets. I'll see her everywhere I look, in the shape of my hands, the color and texture of my skin, hear her in the way I speak, feel her in the way I stand at the kitchen sink, weight rested squarely in the left hip, right foot extended. I will see her light in the eyes of ezra and ava. there will be cake, there will be candles. I'll wear the crown she wore, blow the horn she blew that last birthday. then I'll slip them back into that soft yellow envelope, tuck it back into the suitcase that holds all the special things.
happy birthday, mom. I love you.
Oh, Andrea. Today's the day my Mom passed ... 31 years ago. Sometimes it seems like yesterday ... sometimes it seems like a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteSo sad that we both share a loss. But, you brought a smile to my face with your plans to remember your Mom today.
That's exactly what we need to do ... tell the children about them ... so they live on in hearts forever.
BIG HUGS.
Barb
oh barb. such a hard day, on all accounts. thinking of you and your mama just like you're thinking of me and mine. here's to the living in of their extraordinary spirits. xo
DeleteI do not have a close relationship with my mother. I'm not sure if it's something I will ever be able to fix. Whenever I read your beautiful words about your mother, it fills my heart with so much love.
ReplyDeleteoh jade. I can only imagine how painful that must be for you. honored that you find beauty and love in the things I share about my mother. xo
DeleteHappy Birthday, Hula-Mom. You are so very loved. Hugs, Andrea
ReplyDeleteshe always read my blog comments... this one would've made her smile. thank you, friend. xo
Deletewhat a beautiful way to honor your mom, your relationship with her. i am very close with my mother and so grateful that she is still here with me, but your expressions of admiration, adoration, appreciation and love for her is filled with a vulnerability i don't embody, and inspires me to ask myself if i'm holding back something i'd actually like to give while she's alive. so, thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi There A. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the way you honour your Mom, what a joyful powerful way to celebrate the love :)
Thank you for sharing your sadness and your joy.
I was not really close with my Mom (but I respected that she did the best she was capable of and truly thankful she gave me life) So that I could have a family of my own and have a wonderful loving relationship with my Daughter which is such a blessing (oh, and my sons too :)
Have a lovely weekend, cheers, T. :)
What a beautiful way to honor & celebrate her life!
ReplyDeleteA sweet tribute to your mom.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your mom-rememberings. I have buttercups (daffodils) on my dining table right now. Because that's what my mom would have.
ReplyDeleteinspired by how you love and celebrate the ones around you, and how you do not brush off the pain left by the absence of those loved. much love to you today, andrea.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, I love reading your tributes to your mum. so heartwarming and heartbreaking. in times like this I wish we could have a magic wand. xx
ReplyDeleteyou are loved my friend. xo
ReplyDeletehugs to you - your plans today sound like a wonderful way to remember your mom.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for only just over a year now and sorry to say never left a comment but this post had me in tears, big flood gate tears, so I felt compelled to say how beautiful what you have written here is. I live in Germany, so unbelievebly far away from my mama in Sydney Australia and I miss her like mad as I only see her once maybe twice a year. The way you describe how you feel your mother in the way you stand and in your hands. I only looked at my hands this morning holding my youngest baby who my mother has yet to meet and saw how my hands looked just like hers.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post xx
ReplyDeletexo
ReplyDeleteDarling darling Hula! it's me Dottie and my Dad's birthday was Feb. 5th and it was the first one of his birthdays without him here. Thank you so much for posting this. I felt the same way. But I wasn't strong enough to listen to his favorite music or eat his favorite meal. I hope next year, I'll be able to do it.
ReplyDeleteBut I will share this one memory my Dad told me about which was one of his favorite birthdays. It was when he was the bureau chief of Newsweek and used to hang out with celebrities during the seventies. He went to see the premiere of Blazing Saddles on his birthday and was invited out later with the cast through his friend Richard Pryor and came home the next morning sticking of booze and cigarettes according to my Mom, but he said it was a great birthday! He only told me that story once because he never felt the need to repeat stories. Crazy!
oh dottie. oh friend. I know the feeling, I know it so well. I couldn't do anything that first birthday, not a thing. next year, you'll be able to do a little more. just a little, maybe more. and lord, that story. I love it, love love love it. thanks so much for sharing it with me here... made my day!
ReplyDelete