19 February 2007
funny thing is
the biggest life changes sort of fall into your lap when you aren't paying any attention at all. we didn't go looking for this and would never (never, not in a hundred years) have predicted a move out to the great northwest, but here we are. moving to portland, oregon in less than a month.
ward's been offered a job with laika and it was just too good of a thing to pass up. after flying out in january to check out the scene, and then after so much talking and crying and more talking and thinking and talking and praying and more crying and thinking and then some arguments (very thinly disguised as 'discussions') and thinking, more praying and even more talking, we decided to say yes. yes, we'll take it. yes, we'll move our family to the opposite end of the country. yes, we'll take on a monumental life change. yes, yes, yes.
I am bracing myself for an adventure like no other.
I can't even talk about how much I'm going to miss everyone and every last little thing here. really, I can't. because my eyes start to water and the waves, they start to swell and break and I just can't keep doing that. I'll never get anything done. despite the deep sadness, there's excitement-- a kind of excitement completely new to me. it bubbles right beneath the surface and whispers things like 'fresh start' and 'brand new city' and talks about reuniting with the loveliest old friends and the meeting of so many fantastic new and wonderful friends. it speaks (with conviction) about the spectacular nature of the unknown. I like that voice, I am trying very hard to pay close attention to what she says because that's how I'll be finding my way through this. when I am listening closely to her voice, I can almost hear the crack of the world breaking open for us.
all these conflicting feelings make for days with staccato-like ebb and flow. that is to say, I am giddy one moment and weepy the next. the best I can do is ride the waves and greet the change with the widest, most open arms I can manage. a close friend of mine recently told me about a saying she'd seen somewhere-- leap and a net will appear.
I thank her for sharing that because well, we're leaping. and we're hoping and praying for a net to appear. but then, that's what life is all about.
(first taste of portland is here)