12 July 2006

goodbye summer

I don't want to even think about it, let alone write about it.

no, what I really want to talk about is the magnificent weekend I had with gorgeous madness and her (absolutely gorgeous) family. I want to talk about how great it was to sit on a park bench with her and the husbands and cover a wide range of topics while the kids ran willynilly with giant-sized popsicles. I want to talk about how good that was for me-- the highly-anticipated meeting, that fabulous dinner, the laughing and talking, the time together. another mama who could talk writing and art and parenting. and I got the distinct feeling she could throw down to some obscure seventies funk at star bar at three in the morning (if need be). we tapped into the shorthand common between the oldest of friends and this warmed me all the way through, made me want to impulsively hug her at random, inappropriate times. I want to talk about how crazy I am over those girls, that maya and that mina, and how absolutely thrilled I was that ava and mina instantly bonded. they were the cutest together, the cutest things in the history of all of the world. I want to talk about the moment ava and I walked into the vastness of the georgia dome, about how foreign that world was to us, how we were immediately drawn in-- how we sat and cheered the amazing miss maya on and how my heart broke for her as she struggled to maintain her strength and spirit. to wave and smile and scream and clap and cheer her on-- this was an honor. can't remember the last time an 11 year-old inspired me like that. 'twas a thing of beauty and I have a whole mess of photographs to prove it (coming soon, coming soon).

so yes, all of that is what I'd really like to talk about. well, that and a whole bunch of other junk. what about all the other great meetings I've had with fellow bloggers this past year? and I still haven't really talked about my trip to illinois or the fantastic packages I've received in the mail lately. also, I'd like to post a self portrait. and I'd like to not be a grown-up today and also: I'd like to lay out in the sun and not worry about skin cancer. but I can't talk about any of it (not today, anyway) because I am currently consumed with a little bomb that has been dropped on me. the house we are currently renting is being put on the market august 1st and we will be needing to find someplace to live in the next 30-60 days. and I just don't even want to get into it but I have to get it out of my head because I am like a zombie who is on the edge of snapping in the most monumental way and if I could just stop crying for three seconds, I might be able to make some sense of it.

we always knew they were going to sell it (blahblahblah) but were told we'd have a good amount of time to prepare (more blahblahblah). and now we need something in the area so that ava can go to the same school, something we can afford, something on short notice (blahblahblah). oh, and there's more crap, more hoops to jump through, so much more that I really don't want to talk about. there will be people working on the house in the weeks to come, there will be people coming to look at the house, there will be open houses and we will have to smile and pretend like we don't care, but we do. we really, really do. we don't want to leave, not even close, we love it here but we are going to have to leave and QUICK. all of it is giving me that sickly stomach feeling that I won't be able to shake anytime soon. my summer of love and traveling and road trips and dance classes and guerilla art and doing fun things with the kidlets has come to a screeching halt.

I hate being an adult.

26 comments:

  1. oh these are such sad words. i know that it doesn't help and maybe you don't want to hear it right now, but i guess i will tell you anyway and maybe after a bit it might encourage you the teeniest bit. a friend of mine had this same exact thing happen to her and to top it off she was pregnant and the baby due date was coinciding with the must move date. it turned out, in the end, that they wound up being able to move into a bigger better place that they loved even more. i am praying that is what happens for you. that by some miracle you will come out in a better situation because of this. i am saying a prayer right now.

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  2. damn that feeling. a good girlfriend of mine has been run out of rentals two years in a row as the owners of the small homes she rents sell to make profits in the overpriced market she is priced out of - the circle of dis.

    I'm sending smooth transition vibes your way.

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  3. Oh.
    My.
    Word.

    Can you buy the place? That is....it's.....well it's life I guess. And sometimes life can swallow you whole without asking permission. I know this because I'm currently in the belly of the beast. Come sit by me.

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  4. Moving is a drag but unwilling? Can't imagine...looks like the adult world has crashed your summer party...bummmmmer!!!!
    When did things get so complicated? When did we grow up????I don't remember it happening.Well, I guess that is not altogether true. I do remember when I made a lot of points in touch football because the boys were too shy to grab me. I also remember being mortified for my crush when I was picked before him in basketball.[he forgave me...we're still close] Somewhere inside I am still a skinny 11 year old girl,with bell bottoms, cool suede desert boots,and a poor imitation of a Farrah Fawcett Shag. But I am not 11. I am 48. I have a sink full of dirty dishes, a bed full of a 10 year old girl with the stomach flu, a 14 year old that needs to be picked up at 4 from her poetry class [ahhhh the good old days], a mother-in-law's voice on the answering machine and a relatively new squishy roll around my once trim waist.I guess what I'm saying is...you are not alone. And sometimes that is so good to hear. Good luck, chin up and please keep writing. I truly enjoy about your life.

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  5. i understand the quick, pick up and move thing. keep this little mantra in your head and what you need to have happen, will.

    "the perfect place will come my way, at the perfect time, on the perfect day"

    cheers, tiff*

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  6. Oh, honey, honey! I have a friend that was in this same situation and they were able by some skin-of-the-teeth and twist of fate to buy the house they were in! Any tiny possibility?

    Remember to take a chapter from madness' book of fate and creating the possibility of things happening through sheer faith and will.

    My thoughts and big fat wishes are with you.

    Poop.

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  7. oh, Andrea, I'm so sorry. I hope that the move turns out to be easier than you could ever have imagined, logistically, and that you're freed up to do the feeling you're gonna be doing, in a little more peace. Either way, keep us updated and let us know how you're dealing with it all, when you're ready!

    And? And I know that you've probably already thought of this, but seriously: go see a mortgage broker. You might, just MIGHT be surprised at how little (nothing?!) you might be able to put down, and if you factor in that you can deduct 90% of your house payment for the first several years (it's all interest at that point), it might not cost that much more to own your home. Seriously, let them run the math, just check it out. I know that the on-line calculators were liars and that we would never have tried if I'd believed them.

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  8. ohhh, i'm so sorry! that bites!
    maybe your next place will be even better?
    i'm wishing you the best during this challenge.
    xo,
    mati

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  9. Wow, what a fantastic post. You have a way with words. And whatever the outcome, wherever you go, your journey will be full. Let go. :-)

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  10. Oh that sucks. It's unfortunate on the heels of such a lovely weekend, that you're stuck with this news, feh. May the Gods bring you and your familia a wonderful abode, in the neighborhood, that surpasses the current house. I'm crossing my fingers and sending smooth and easy moving vibes down south. Sorry about this.

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  11. Prayers of great possibility and hugs go out to you... My hope is that something really great comes out of this.

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  12. Aw, girl. That shizzle is drastic. Summer should still be going strong for at least 2.5 more months!

    May a solution drop in your lap ASAP. Just try to remain open to possibilities as you dig in your heels and start the drudgery.

    I guess this means we'll be delaying the postcard swap for a couple of months? :)

    ::love and light::

    --Michelle

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  13. oh miss andrea.... my heart and soul go out to you....

    i will add to the chorus of: any [no matter how small] potential chance that you could some how swing it to buy the place? perhaps w/ familial intervention??

    just keep thinking... this is all for a reason - you just don't know what the heck it is yet....

    big big hugs...xo

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  14. I've never posted here before, but I often read your blogs - you and Ward - because they're interesting and inspiring and always filled with love.

    That's a tough thing to go through with the house and all. I know first hand because I just went through it in my last home that I loved. Just like that they were converting to condos and I had to get out. I live alone though, so it made it a lot easier to deal with.

    The good thing is - sometimes when we least expect it - something amazing happens. Unfortunately, we have to let go of some pretty great things to get to those other, even greater things.

    Good luck to you guys!

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  15. Oh this sucks andrea. big time. the thought did cross my mind, like it did for others, could you buy it? or rent to own? but I know life gets in the way of what me think to be the most ideal situations...
    i'm with meridith, and I'll pray for something better and bigger (but maybe not different??!!) than you imagine.
    chin up, sister.

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  16. I went through the moving thing last year and wrote much about it on my website. Our last home was a dream house and we lived in a wonderful city. I miss my friends there terribly. We're now in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment because when we got out of state, the prices were too high. I feel your pain. God is in control, however, and it will be all that much sweeter when we finally can move back and get another house - hopefully by the end of the year. :) Hang in there. Even this shall pass.

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  17. thank you so much, everyone-- for the kind words of encouragement. I am easing myself into the whole idea and your comments have made it that much easier.

    as for buying the place, we went through that this time last year. to be completely fair to the owner, he did offer us a fair deal on the place. even still, it was waaay out of our price range (and we hadn't even factored in the incredibly high property taxes, the work that needs to be done on the house, etc). we are currently working to pay down some debt and we just knew we couldn't take it on. thanks for all the suggestions, though. I took great comfort in that.

    so we knew it was coming but thought it would be later rather than sooner. actually, we were under the impression that the owner was in the process of selling it to someone who was planning on renting it out for a couple more years. which totally gave me a false sense of security. anyway, I just wish they had called us this spring, or even may or early june and given us the heads up. uuuuuggggghhhhhh.

    meridith-- your words DO help and that story does make me feel loads better. thank you sososo much for your prayers.

    amstar-- that is exactly what happened here too. ah, the circle of dis. the most perfect way to put it. I feel for your friend and I thank you for the positive vibes.

    glam jo-- I would LOVE to come and sit by you. if only.

    kitschen table-- oh, I miss being 11! all awkwardness aside, I do. your perspective provided just the escape I needed yesterday. loved your words. and that stinks, all that you are dealing with. I feel you. and sending out wishes for something great and fun to happen to you today. I appreciate your encouragement and your kind words about my blog-- I really, really do.

    listoria-- I am predicting that the mantra will stay with me and get me through this. thanks so much for sharing it. xo

    les-- as always, your words bring me great comfort. and oh, how I need that. kisskiss to you.

    julia-- you are totally spot on here. we really need to break down and see a mortgage broker. even if we can't buy THIS house, even if we can't buy right away, I guess we need to know what our options are. I so appreciate the encouragement. and I'm glad you told me about those online calculators because many a time we have used those to get an 'idea' of what we could afford and everytime I felt hopeless!

    mati rose-- I'm trying to put myself in that frame of mind! that the next house will be better! thanks so much for the vote of confidence. :)

    rrrramone-- thank you! and I am working on that whole 'letting go' thing. :)

    acumamakiki-- yeah, it so TOTALLY stinks that I was faced with this right after such a great weekend. especially when I was all set to write about the great things that have been going down this summer! well, I'll still get around to writing about them, I guess. just had to rant. thanks for the sweet wishes. much appreciated, my friend.

    kristine-- so thankful for your prayers... more than you'll ever know. thank you so much.

    weaker vessel-- I KNOW! isn't it already bad enough that school starts somewhere in the middle of summer these days (ava goes back something like, august 14th which is just CRAZY). and now this? I hate that I have to stop everything and deal. but I'm so comforted by your sentiments, seriously. yeah, I guess the postcard swap is on hold for now (DANG IT). or maybe not. I'm going to see where the chips fall over the next couple of weeks. I'll keep you posted.

    lisa-- the chorus, it soothes me. :) and though there's no way for us to buy the place, there is this voice (deep down) that is telling me that there is a reason this has happened. I believe that. it's just a matter of getting to the place where I can be positive enough to hear that voice a little more clearly, ha. anyway, thanks for the hugs. I feel them all the way over here on my side of the country. xo

    designrl-- thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment-- great, great words of encouragement, all of which will be taken to heart. you are right on about giving up great things to get to the more amazing things. if I can just keep that in mind. xo to you.

    molly-- we were so desperately hoping for more like a rent-to-own situation with this house. but no such luck. you know how much I appreciate your prayers, I know that God will provide... and as always, your words mean so much.

    sprittibee-- oh, I'm so sorry for your experience! uuuggghhh. safe to say I know how you feel (or, about to know)... it does help to hear the perspective of someone who is coming out on the other side of it and I appreciate you sharing... I"ll have to check out your old blog entries. thank you so much.

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  18. andrea i'm so sorry and will be praying for you and the fam. i wish i could come take the kids for you so you could have a moment to have alone time and process and pray and cry and be dazed and not responsible for anyone but you for a moment.
    love you. waiting to hear a praise report in all of this!

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  19. oh.my. my thoughts are with you, and by the looks of it here - you've got alot of positive energy being sent your way, greatness is sure to come of it :) xo

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  20. So sorry Andrea. I always love your photos, and your interior shots show so much love-of-your-space that it must be especially hard to go. You'll bring your artistic flair and snazzy style wherever you go (as I'm sure you have done many times before...) to make the best, coziest home for your family. But, it still sucks. My thoughts are there. I woke up thinking about your plight in the middle of the night last night...

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  21. awwwwwww....
    i'm sorry that this
    sucky
    thing is happening to you!

    we went through a similar
    thing last year
    when the owners of the house
    we were renting
    (but thankfully, didn't LOVE)
    got p'd off because
    we didn't want to buy it
    (because it sucked really)
    and they put it on the market.

    it is rotten,
    the open houses,
    the people coming in
    and doing renovations or
    whatevers,
    the constant phonecalls
    and upheavals.

    but it worked out for the best
    for us
    and i hope that it works
    out for the best
    for you too.

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  22. oh sweet friend, i'm so sorry. my heart ached just reading your words. i wish i could be there to hug you and let you cry on my shoulder or better yet, i could take the kids for a walk so you could cry in private or on walt's shoulder. and then, after you were just plain out of tears, i'd help you start packing because i know what a bitch packing can be.

    love to you my sweet one!

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  23. phew! what a bomb! such a huge drag and to be put upon you in mid summer. how unfair!

    well i have a feeling something bigger, better and more wonderful is in store.....

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  24. Hi andrea,
    My girlfriend and I are going through the same rollercoaster with our beloved colorful home. We may have to uproot and start again with the unknown, but the important thing to remember is that your house is only extra special because of the people who live there. Wherever you go, you will make it your own.
    Good luck and best wishes,
    ric and melanie

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  25. I re read your post....I didn't catch the end! I'm so sorry about the house. I know how much you love it! I hope things work out.....and you find another place to go!

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