I don't want to even think about it, let alone write about it.
no, what I really want to talk about is the magnificent weekend I had with gorgeous madness and her (absolutely gorgeous) family. I want to talk about how great it was to sit on a park bench with her and the husbands and cover a wide range of topics while the kids ran willynilly with giant-sized popsicles. I want to talk about how good that was for me-- the highly-anticipated meeting, that fabulous dinner, the laughing and talking, the time together. another mama who could talk writing and art and parenting. and I got the distinct feeling she could throw down to some obscure seventies funk at star bar at three in the morning (if need be). we tapped into the shorthand common between the oldest of friends and this warmed me all the way through, made me want to impulsively hug her at random, inappropriate times. I want to talk about how crazy I am over those girls, that maya and that mina, and how absolutely thrilled I was that ava and mina instantly bonded. they were the cutest together, the cutest things in the history of all of the world. I want to talk about the moment ava and I walked into the vastness of the georgia dome, about how foreign that world was to us, how we were immediately drawn in-- how we sat and cheered the amazing miss maya on and how my heart broke for her as she struggled to maintain her strength and spirit. to wave and smile and scream and clap and cheer her on-- this was an honor. can't remember the last time an 11 year-old inspired me like that. 'twas a thing of beauty and I have a whole mess of photographs to prove it (coming soon, coming soon).
so yes, all of that is what I'd really like to talk about. well, that and a whole bunch of other junk. what about all the other great meetings I've had with fellow bloggers this past year? and I still haven't really talked about my trip to illinois or the fantastic packages I've received in the mail lately. also, I'd like to post a self portrait. and I'd like to not be a grown-up today and also: I'd like to lay out in the sun and not worry about skin cancer. but I can't talk about any of it (not today, anyway) because I am currently consumed with a little bomb that has been dropped on me. the house we are currently renting is being put on the market august 1st and we will be needing to find someplace to live in the next 30-60 days. and I just don't even want to get into it but I have to get it out of my head because I am like a zombie who is on the edge of snapping in the most monumental way and if I could just stop crying for three seconds, I might be able to make some sense of it.
we always knew they were going to sell it (blahblahblah) but were told we'd have a good amount of time to prepare (more blahblahblah). and now we need something in the area so that ava can go to the same school, something we can afford, something on short notice (blahblahblah). oh, and there's more crap, more hoops to jump through, so much more that I really don't want to talk about. there will be people working on the house in the weeks to come, there will be people coming to look at the house, there will be open houses and we will have to smile and pretend like we don't care, but we do. we really, really do. we don't want to leave, not even close, we love it here but we are going to have to leave and QUICK. all of it is giving me that sickly stomach feeling that I won't be able to shake anytime soon. my summer of love and traveling and road trips and dance classes and guerilla art and doing fun things with the kidlets has come to a screeching halt.
I hate being an adult.