30 December 2005

seek and ye shall find



it's true: I've done more than my fair share of complaining. it's so easy to do. it just sort of wears on you, the everydayness. dirt and the rocks, that's what it is. the everyday dirt and rocks of a foundation you work so hard to build, and you get lost in it and then it becomes near impossible to see what you were working so hard to create in the first place.

and then all of the sudden, it is the last day of the year and you find yourself looking back. if you're lucky, you really see. you are able to look beyond the daily gritting of teeth, the sweating, the steady application of much elbow grease, the inconvenience of 365 days of living and you see your life for what it really is. people, I am an expert whiner, I am superb. my skills in this area are unmatched (it may surprise some people to know that I am the pessimist, the realist and ward is the eternal optimist in this marriage deal). I am not so dense though, so steeped in my ways that I can't see the beauty in my life that is spilling out all over the place. I am so rich, I am rolling in it, I'm drenched and saturated. love, love, love. I see it, feel it even when I don't want to.

this year: watching ava and ezra grow up in a million heart-breaking little ways (too many to name), playing in the ocean, dancing again, teaching again, celebrating eleven years of marriage, and wow, the writing I have done. this blog gig broke open a world I didn't even know existed until about a year ago. and the people I have met along the way have inspired me in the most divine ways. I'm humbled by the creativity and support my new friends have so willingly offered up. sitting here writing this, I feel something crazy and alive bubbling under my surfaces and I am excited to think of where it will take me. I have been laying in bed at night, eyes wide open. thinking clearly and slowly untangling threads of ideas in my head. the possibility of art, of painting, drawing, of photography, of choreography, of more dancing, more writing, it's too much. I feel good and green and bursting with colors, seconds away from eruption.

2006! here it comes. to my friends, my family, the world-- happy new year.

24 comments:

  1. aw, how sweet this post andrea! you amaze me with the way you articulate so well, how i'm sure most of us feel. that daily grind, the feeling of repitition, the wonderment of our children, and the excitement of what's to come. that's why i keep coming back for more! wishing you one of your most creative years ever! and i look forward to watching, sharing and discussing! happy new year to you and your family!!

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  2. What a poignant delight! I hear ya on the complaining bit, I'm world-class myself...but really we all have plenty to be grateful for. To a Happy New Year with so much joy you can hardly stand it!

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  3. Happy Upcoming New Year!
    This post resonates with me. Your thoughts and photo are beautiful and I can relate so well...

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  4. Happy 2006 to an absolutely BEAUTIFUL WOMAN who is equally inspiring as she is beautiful.

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  5. happy new year to you and blessings on you in 2006. i'm so glad that you can see your beauty overflowing because, girlfriend, your readers sure do see it!

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  6. Hi, Andrea. I stumbled upon your blog a couple of months ago, but have never commented.

    I read several blogs, but none of them have the ability to make me feel light, carefree, and happy the way yours does. I don't know what it is.

    I don't even know you, but you have this talent for making me feel like each day is an endless possibility. (I AM surprised to hear you say you're a pessimist.)

    Also, I want to recommend a childrens' picture book which, after reading your blog, makes me think of you and Ava- 'My Mama Had a Dancing Heart' by Libba Moore Gray. It's so good.

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  7. oh andrea! you are such such such a joy!

    thank you for being so incredible inspiring, supportive and honest. you put so much of yourself on the line in your blog that i get giddy when i see you have a new post.

    happy happy new year to you my blog friend! can't wait to see what unravels [and tangles :)] for you in 2006!

    and i need your address!
    xoxo

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  8. I'm new to your blog, but have enjoyed reading it the past couple of months. Hope '06 is a fabulous, heart-opening year for you.

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  9. your post has struck a chord with me, as so many have over the past few months since i "discovered" you (hehe) (thanks, jan!). this world of blogging has been an eye-opening one, and has exposed me to so many new things and wonderful people. your kind words and comments have inspired me, and for that i cannot thank you enough! i wish you and your family a joyous 2006, and look forward to further encounters. =)

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  10. happy 2006, talented, generous, beautiful, amazingly-creative woman! you rock so much, girl!

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  11. I hope you have a great NEW YEAR!

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  12. Bravo...I couldn't have said it any better!

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  13. ANDREA!!! Thank you for being the FIRST to comment on my blawg!

    You will be remembered in a special million-dollar ceremony one day, all thrown by me, commemorating some sort of benchmark for Cartoon Curio...

    Thanks for being someone who egged me on to get busy and start it. It's my New Year resolution to keep it up, writing and drawing journal-like entries. You and Ward have been such great inspiration.

    I was reading this post (which is just sooo rich with colorful descriptors), and I started thinking about how multi-media your family has become, what with blogging and all. Ava is already an art star on the internet, for example! That is an amazing thing that we didn't experience at her age! I think you're all very lucky, because years from now, you'll all have such great material to look back on. There must be a way to make it all physical, so it can live on beyond cyberspace. It's kinda' scary how it all exists in a purely digital realm---you MUST figure out a way to preserve it so that when your fifty or sixty or whatever, you can sift through it all, and re-live it. It is worth more than gold!

    I hope you all had a great New Year's eve!!! Again, thank you for givin' my blog some love!

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  14. Happy New Year, Girl! I'm so glad we became friends in the 05.

    Whining sucks ass.

    Here's to the recognition of beauty within and without in the 0 to the 6!

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  15. happy new year andrea. you inspire me.

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  16. I dig every single thing you post girl. You have a creative, passionate way of putting things that makes me bubble too. I know what you mean about meeting people in this blog world. YOU are one of the people I'm so greatful to have met. You know, I'm even (GASP GULP) thinking of taking a beginning dance class. And I have you to blame for this lovely, giddy, whirling notion! Happy New Year!

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  17. beautiful words! happy new year and may it be even better than you are hoping for.....

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  18. Happy 2006!!! I ALWAYS look forward to reading your blog...it always puts a smile on my face and makes me forget all the stresses in this world. I would have NEVER guessed you were a pessimist. On your blog you come across very optimistic!

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  19. I've been overwhelmed lately with the shortness of life - and how I need to sieze every single moment. Thanks for these words - and all your words. You are truly a bright spot in a long day.

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  20. again my friend you are the bomb!!!! I can't believe you are the pessimist with the gorgeous words that come out of your fingers!

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  21. Happy New Year Andrea!! Hope you keep on building up the beauty in your life. It seems to me you've done a fabulous job already.

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  22. And indeed there will be time
    For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
    Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
    There will be time, there will be time
    To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
    There will be time to murder and create,
    And time for all the works and days of hands
    That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me,
    And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
    And for a hundred visions and revisions,
    Before the taking of a toast and tea.

    T.S. Eliot (1888–1965). Prufrock

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  23. What a great way to begin the year: Discovering your blog.

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  24. happy new year everyone! happyhappyhappy! thank you so much for all the lovely words, encouragement and new years' wishes... it's enough goodness to last me all year long. talk about feeling loved. I wish the same for all of you, oh yes I do! you are all so inspiring to me in a million different ways. and all of you who are new... I love you too.

    angie- thanks so much for your kind KIND words... I'm so humbled and honored by them. and the book recommendation! just checked it out on amazon and it looks like such an amazing book... one that I would love to share with ava. can't wait to order it...

    kathleen, you rock! you rock the casbah!

    justin- I miss you so much!!! and I'm thrilled that you have started a blog... (such a great way for me to keep up with you and live vicariously through you and your fab new life in manhattan). hopefully, I'll be up there to see you soon! and as always, thanks for such kind words. as for documentation, I have had plans (for a while now) to print each of my blog entries (comments and all) up and put them in a binder organized by month. I am SOOO itching to do this but it will require some time. it makes me nervous though, all this hard work, all this writing I have done... just existing in some sort of weird cyber-world. I want to be able to read these words on paper someday, want my kids to do the same. so, yeah. I've got plans.

    christine- you are one of my favorite discoveries of the year! nothing would thrill me more if you got yourself in a dance class, for real. oh please do keep me posted... yay for you!

    dopeattic- thanks for the words by t. s. eliot, much needed, much appreciated.

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