forever and always

I once heard a fellow instant photographer say it would be cheaper to smoke crack and collect diamonds than to shoot instant film. where is the lie? I spot no lie. an exaggeration maybe, but nary a lie.

still, I come back to instant film, again and again. I order a pack or two when I can afford it, load up the the SX-70 and shoot when it feels right. twice a year, in the spring and fall, I share my favorites in the beloved, long-running polaroid week pool over on ye olde flickr. submissions are limited to two polaroids per day, which means I put thought into what I choose to share. reader, I have grown to love this ritual.

above polaroids were submissions for fall polaroid week 2021, new orleans and portland strongly represented here, years 2017 and 2021, respectively. 

the truth is that I'd rather have polaroids than all the diamonds in the world.

359/365

some things I genuinely love about ward:

puts so much love into the coffee he makes each morning, I swear I can taste it

has lines around his eyes that crinkle when he smiles therefore reducing me to a pool of love

made an atlas of the fifty states at age nine, drew each state on a different page and upon completion, took it to his school library and put it on the shelves with the rest of the books on states because he thought, well this is where books on states go

has a deep, deep love for art and will discuss it at length with anyone, any time, any place

has a deep, deep love for music and will discuss it at length with anyone, any time, any place

is not afraid of new generations of music and, in fact, welcomes them with the most open of arms 

sends me pictures of the sunrise when he's taking ezra to school in the morning

is always up for a road trip, always (I mean always)

is always up for a movie, always (I mean always)

is my biggest, most passionate, most genuinely enthusiastic cheerleader

loves star wars more than any person I have ever, ever known

is a bonafide master at mixtape making, listen, I'm telling you his skill level in this area wholly unmatched

does not really care about sports

builds bonfires in the backyard that roar and crackle for hours

is really committed to this beard thing (no but seriously I do love the beard)

truly appreciates a legit book store and/or library as much as I do

will pull over (in a nanosecond) whenever I ask him to for a junk shop, a produce stand, a fleamarket, an old sign, some magic light, what have you

will drop whatever he is doing when you tell him you've lost something and look, tirelessly, endlessly, until he finds it

tears up when someone tells him how much their kid loves one of his books

makes a mean plate of scrambled eggs

makes a mean stack of pancakes

is just so incredibly good, so, so incredibly good at being a dad

gets as excited as I do about different birds we see in the yard

brings me coffee in the morning and tells me I'm pretty

(happy 51st birthday to my most favorite man in the world, I love you I love you I love you)

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a few favorite adventures:

that time the kids and I traveled for two days through seven different states by train to visit my mom

that time my friends and I waded through cold, clear waters to get to the base of nambe falls in new mexico

that time we were passing through palm springs and decided, on a whim, to drive out to the edge of town and stand between the windmills and passing trains at sunset

329/365

things I remember about the day I made this polaroid:

drove up to the top of black rock mountain at sunset
twas cold and windy 
stood at the edge, marveled 
for a second, we were quiet
ezra, especially

(november 21, 2017)

(friday's polaroid-- the last poalroid-- for the last day of fall polaroid week)

328/365

things I remember about the day I made this polaroid:

sunlight hit the kitchen window around eleven am
and the bottles practically sang
and outside, leaves fell
and it was cold enough to wear a sweater
and it finally felt like october

(october 22, 2019)

(thursday's polaroid for fall polaroid week happening over on ye olde flickr)

327/365

things I remember about the day I made this polaroid: 

walked the streets of our old portland neighborhood
walked by our old house on 64th avenue
walked along the ridge with mt. hood in the distance
made our way to ava's old school, found a side door that was open
wandered the halls, found our way to old classrooms
had feelings
had all the feelings
HAD SO MANY FEELINGS

(august 14, 2018)

(wednesday's polaroid for fall polaroid week happening over on ye olde flickr)

326/365

things I remember about the day I made this polaroid:

drank coffee in the morning with light pouring in
felt the whole of the day ahead of us, giddy at the prospect
spent hours at the chicago art institute, meandering and meandering and meandering
walked out the side entrance at closing time, completely dazed
looked up and spied the tiny people
was quite taken with the tiny people
but did not think the scene was right for instant film
took the polaroid anyway

(october 22, 2018)

(tuesday's polaroid for fall polaroid week happening over on ye olde flickr)

325/365

things I remember about the day I made this polaroid:

needed a photograph of ava for a piece I was writing for uppercase about lockets
shot in the backyard in late afternoon
blew through a whole pack of expired 600 in minutes
and I remember how good that felt
and I remember how good the air felt too-- clear and true
and I remember thinking, in just one month she will graduate
and I remember thinking, in just one month everything will change

(april 24, 2018)

(monday's polaroid for fall polaroid week happening over on ye olde flickr)

324/365

things I remember about the day I made this polaroid:

was on my way from sante fe to albuquerque with tracy and lisa to catch a flight back home
decided to take the turquoise trail in a rented car to see what we could see
wanted to stop along the way at least a hundred times
must have taken at least a hundred photos of the sky
listen, I could not stop taking photos of the sky
when we stopped for gas one last time, I got out of the car, promptly took this polaroid
on the flight home to atlanta, I could not stop looking at it
nothing beats a polaroid sky, I thought
nothing

(october 8, 2018)

(sunday's polaroid for fall polaroid week happening over on ye olde flickr)

297/365

things to do this fall:

open windows
hoard candy corns
hoard tiny pumpkins
read books underneath trees with fiery golden leaves
ride bikes down streets in unknown neighborhoods
stretch fake webs across windows and doorways
carve pumpkins til hands are sufficiently tired and happy
just, you know, always be roasting things over backyard bonfires
watch films
pick apples
shoot polaroids
share polaroids
pack car
get out of town
make soup
make soup 
I WILL MAKE SOUP

269/365

things that make me feel like a new woman:

a quick bike ride
a spritz of rosewater 
the right pair of boots
eight solid hours of sleep
a new tube of lipstick
a good haircut
a good cry

235/365

three songs I've learned to play on the ukulele:

isn't she lovely (stevie wonder)
the moon song (karen o)
when you were mine (prince)

223/365

things I do when things are too much and the world is too much and I can't breathe, part three:

polish collected seashells
smell the insides of library books
move my body until I am tired and sweating and my mind is quiet
listen to the last voicemail my mother left me
stand in the green grass in my bare feet

(part one, part two)

218/365

songs that go on every single summer mix I make:

sweet thing (van morrison)
here comes the sun (nina simone)
make you feel that way (blackalicious, tor/sufjan stevens remix)
rill rill (sleigh bells)
swim team (arms and sleepers)
gold silver diamond (generationals)
genius of love (tom tom club)
happier than the morning sun (stevie wonder)

208/365

three things I always bring on the road with me:

my favorite cotton beach blanket 
empty bonne maman jars 
instant film 

193/365

things I genuinely love about ezra:

appreciates a perfectly ripe avocado as much as a fresh bag of hot chili pepper takis
toggles between intense bursts of video game-playing and book-reading with enviable ease 
gets as excited as I do about lightning bugs *and* lightning whelks
gets why bottle rocket is clearly wes anderson's best film and can now insert the lil banana quote into any given conversation
keeps jars of old skeleton keys and vintage watch parts and various found objects in his room
never met a toddler (or cat) who did not absolutely love him
actually reads books I recommend (and then lets me tell him why they're important)
knows when to put the controller down and get on his bike and ride
often carries a small black backpack he refers to as his 'adventure sack'

has pretty exceptional observational skills

sincerely appreciates a good road trip
is diligently working on folding a thousand paper cranes
shares his favorite songs with me at the end of long days when I just can't with people and the world anymore
makes a mean turkey avocado sandwich
will watch episodes of seinfeld and the office and parks and rec over and over and over again with me
takes the art he makes seriously
once declined an opportunity visit the city where he grew up (portland) because he wanted to 'remember it the way it was'
brings me things like tiny flowers and paint palettes from art class
has a writer in him fighting to get out
has recently taken up whittling
is not stingy with hugs

(happy 15th birthday to my favorite boy in the world and someday when you are reading through my old blog posts, I hope you find this and I hope it brings you so much joy)

189/365

excuses I have made (and will probably continue to make) to eat donuts:

it's the first day of school
it's the last day of school
it's my birthday
it's your birthday
it's been a hard day
it's been a good day
it's monday
it's tuesday
it's wednesday
it's thursday
it's friday
it's saturday
it's sunday
it's national donut day

(happy national donut day, lovers)

155/365

things I'm excited to plant this week:

sunflowers
zinnias
mint
basil
spinach
rosemary
cosmos
chamomile
lemon balm
daisies
peppers
oregano
nasturtiums
cherry tomatoes
so many cherry tomatoes

spring polaroid week

I've been participating in polaroid week for eleven years now. eleven years. which I find quite hard to believe. forever grateful for the inspiration and encouragement this community has provided over the years and will now say what I always say: polaroid week over on flickr feels like the last true bastion of authentic internet community. 

(above polaroids were some of my offerings to the group this past week)

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currently inspired by:

serious prismatics
a library on a bicycle
zadie smith on alvin ailey
old fashioned street photography
old family photographs painted as large scale murals
polaroid week favorites
easter sunday joy