the good and the alive

I stumbled onto a graffiti writer in an alleyway once. in that meaty, bright-colored san francisco other world they call the mission. I was careful not to disturb him but I wanted to watch. I wanted to shake all those paint cans, every last one. I wanted to ask questions, wanted to take a hundred photographs but I didn't. I barely managed the polaroid.

I think about that moment a lot. I look at the polaroid and remember everything. the smell of the paint, the sound of the aerosol, the quiet of the alleyway. it's important to me.

there are hard things in my life right now. there are great things too but I need to write about the hard things. I'm just not ready yet. seven years into this space and I'm still defining what it is to me, what it isn't. what I share, what I don't. what I'm saying is that it's easier to share polaroids of ice cream signs and graffiti writers right now. and birthday lists. am working on an epic birthday list because it makes me feel good and alive. and right now, I need the good and the alive.