today

I took a walk this morning and:

1. listened to ezra turn his new bubble gun on and off. on and off. on and off.

2. saw a gorgeous butterfly on the stem of a weed and I swear to you, it opened its wings the moment I began to shoot. like it knew. took way too many photographs of it and realized I am obsessed with the macro lens effect (then again, I may have already come to that conclusion yesterday when I found myself taking close-ups of a silver sequin on my skirt). but if a butterfly opens its wings for you, people-- you know, you don't mess around.

3. got whistled at by passing construction workers and sort of enjoyed it.

4. contemplated peeking into ava's classroom windows as we passed her school.

5. wondered if I did the right thing, giving into the mind-bending screams of ezra, letting him wear sneakers four sizes too big. will I be paying for this in the weeks to come? will he only want to wear red converse high tops (size 10) from now until he actually fits into them? I kind of don't really care.

6. walked by my dream house. which looks like a tiny cobblestone cottage where hobbits might live.

7. experienced pangs of anxiety as I thought about all that must be tackled in the next couple of weeks. had to stop and take deep breaths and try not to freak out in front of the woman watering her lawn.

8. fantasized about traveling, about getting on a plane and flying somewhere. anywhere. planned out nondescript escape for about two blocks.

9. savored the few moments ezra napped. sat on a park bench and wrote many words down on paper. mainly in the way of a grocery list, but still.

10. contemplated a change in hair color. contemplated doing it myself.

11. took in the magnificent smell of fresh air. realized that I (personally) did not smell so good. thought I might even fall under the category of 'people that stink'. again, didn't really care.

12. passed too many lovely gardens to mention and felt a little jealous, a little wistful. especially since I used to have such a fantastic garden at our old house. remembered that this time of year was highly enjoyable-- watching new blooms and healthy green leaves pop up and such. I planted only what I loved and so there were cosmos in shades of fuschia and white, shasta daisies, black-eyed susans and purple coneflowers in so much abundance. I passed our old house last friday and saw that the current renters (or maybe the landlord) had replaced my garden with shrubbery. SHRUBBERY. I wanted to vomit. but mostly, my heart broke. decided that I DON'T LIKE THESE PEOPLE. to whomever dug up my perennials and replaced them with something that rhymes with rubbery (and they are the ugliest, most boring shrubs I've ever seen): I DON'T LIKE YOU. I'm one step away from knocking on your door and telling you so.

13. worked up quite a sweat, further contributing to the not smelling so great. but sweating is good.

14. realized how essential these daily walks are to maintaining (more than adequate) mental health. really.