27 November 2011

one

one

from the archives. because that's just about all I can manage today, friends.

26 November 2011

this is a picture I did not take

of hundreds of birds in trees just outside the hospital entrance. hundreds. and the pop and flutter of wings, staccato-like songs bouncing off evergreen branches onto concrete walls. for a second, there was nothing else. nothing but that swarm of birds and the sound of hospital doors opening and closing. for a second, everything else fell away.

(forever inspired)

24 November 2011

list thirty-nine: 11 photographs of ward that I love

love
1. with ezra, overlooking the pacific ocean, northern california, june 2008

happy birthday
2. at the food carts on hawthorne and SE 11th, portland, august 2010

hello space needle
3. at the warwick hotel on his 40th birthday, seattle, november 2008

075: 4.16.07
4. in the kitchen of our new place, our first month in portland, april 2007

look what we did
5. on our first road trip down highway 101, klamath, california, june 2008

happy birthday, old man
6. downtown portland, christmas break 2008

sleepy girl
7. with ava (baby ava!), miami beach, florida, july 2001

if balloons were ideas
8. after burgers and fries at mel's diner, san francisco, june 2008

ward
9. in an alleyway somewhere in seattle, may 2007

ladies and gentlemen,
10. in our front yard, halloween 2010

us
11. on a beach blanket with me, kure beach, north carolina, july 1998

happy birthday, awesome husband of mine. happy happy birthday to you. here's to more decades filled with favorite photographs of you. decades and decades and decades.

23 November 2011

the truth is that

all I really want to do is post pretty pictures of pretty things. I don't want to talk about the real reason I flew home or how hard the last couple of days have been. I don't want to talk about how this will be the first thanksgiving I've ever spent away from the kids, how I'll miss ward's birthday tomorrow, how sad and strange that all feels.

but I really am exactly where I need to be. and for this, I am thankful.

22 November 2011

home

home

spent most of yesterday on a few airplanes. am now exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing: taking care of someone I love.

20 November 2011

sneak peak

word

at my next piece for UPPERCASE magazine. plus a word that speaks to the week ahead. would like to slip a little invincible on, wear it like a coat all week long.

19 November 2011

because today has been rough

because today was hard

and I could use a little color. I could use a little of the happy stuff. I don't know, maybe someone else could too. there's a dark place and it involves difficult phone conversations and difficult decisions and the realization that the week ahead has suddenly changed into something else all together. dear life, I get it. you're mercurial.

18 November 2011

photobooth friday

photobooth friday (3)

I've been thinking about my mom and dad a lot today. missing them in ways that are hard to articulate. looking at ways to get home. hatching a plan.

17 November 2011

list thirty-eight: places I'd like to spend the night

list 38

I keep a running list. is what I'm saying.

oh to spend the night:

1. in this spectacular 1953 vagabond trailer, el cosmico, marfa, texas

2. in this perfect bohemian balcony room, bonito, buenos aires, argentina

3. in this unreal finnish igloo, hotel kakslauttanen, finland

4. in this crazy ridiculous pink room, madonna inn, san luis obispo, california

5. in a room with a view, washington square hotel, greenwich village, new york

6. in a luxury traincar traveling across india, with brocade wallpaper and marigold details and jingly chandeliers

7. in this amazing cave room (that must be climbed down into), kokopelli's b&b, farmington, new mexico

8. in this lovely attic room (that must be climbed up into), les toits de paris, paris, france

9. in the turquoise room (because surely there's a turquoise room), pantone hotel, brussels, belgium

10. in the room with the fantastic bedspread, peacock pavillions, marrakech, morocco

11. in a bungalow that sits over water so clear it cannot possibly be real, four seasons, bora bora

12. in a room with a sweet little record player and a sweet little fireplace, ace hotel, palm springs, california

13. in a room that is cavernous and magic, fairy chimney inn, cappadocia, turkey

14. and pretty much anywhere here, cinque terre, italy

16 November 2011

outside the lines

outside the lines

outtake.2

outtake.3

all my new york peoples

outtake.1

today: originals and outtakes from the impossible project show outside the lines, which opened in new york on september 29th. the top one of ezra hangs giant-sized in the soho space and originals of the third and fifth also found a place in the show. I'm partial to the second one, even though it didn't make the cut. something about the super soft focus, something about the movement and the color. feels like a painting.

the truth is that I had a hard time shooting for this show. I was so completely honored to have been asked to participate that the weight of the whole thing almost pulled me under. and then, somewhere near the middle, my camera lost it-- spit out frame after frame after frame in rapid succession before it sputtered and died. well, and then it came back to life again. long story. I'll tell you, the whole process was an exercise in perseverance, an exercise in not shutting down. because that's what I do sometimes when things go awry. I shut down. and I probably did shut down, just for a minute or two (okay maybe for longer than that) but I did not hurl my camera across the room (so glad I didn't) and I kept shooting (so glad I did). because sometimes you just have to keep shooting. and resist the urge to hurl things.

many thanks to all the folks who've been to the show and reported back (I am living vicariously, you know)-- most especially to my brother von and my good friend jen (who both represented on opening night, huzzah) and to lovely secia, who wrote about her visit to the show here. checkit, the official impossible project opening night recap is here. also, many many many thanks to the impossible project folks for inviting me to participate in the show in the first place and perhaps most importantly, for making crazy ridiculous beautiful instant film.

still sort of holding out hope that I'll make it to new york to see the show before it ends on january 31st. it's a total long shot but you know, a girl can dream.

14 November 2011

nine words

jackpot

ideas are one thing and what happens is another.
-john cage

13 November 2011

may I recommend

well, it is

a couple of packs of vinyl helvetica stickers, a little creative thinking and a few hours around town. best money you'll ever spend. promise.

12 November 2011

saturday night

and my feet are cold. but there's a fire burning in the fireplace, first one of the season. I don't know when it happened but the record player blew a speaker. stevie wonder now sings at me through a tiny fuzzy megaphone but I listen anyway. I turn the record over and lower the needle, adjust the volume. the house smells like wood and smoke and it is maybe the best smell in the world. which is when my mind turns to list making. list number thirty-eight: best smells in the world. but before my mind can settle, it spins off in another direction. and another and another and another. I am full of ideas tonight. but I am also full of pessimism. the kind that sits in a stiff, sour place and will not budge.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night. we'd fallen asleep on the big green couch. again. with all the lights on, television on, legs uncomfortably intertwined. what I am going to tell you now is that the television was turned to PBS. and I am all for PBS, I love PBS but I can't imagine what we could have possibly been watching on public television on a friday night before we drifted off. we are almost always watching reruns of seinfeld. anyway. american masters with bill t. jones was on and I forced my sleepy eyes open because this what I would call luck. I am a big fan of mr. jones. I was pretty out of it but at three in the morning, I listened to him talk about abraham lincoln, watched him yell at dancers, then at musicians, watched him push and pull new work into place. and I wanted to cry because this is a world that I miss. I miss dance, I miss that sweaty, messy place. I miss class, I miss rehearsals, I miss choreographers. I miss my old body. I miss my old body so much. the credits rolled just then and I turned the channel. and then I fixed myself a bowl of cereal because I didn't want to think about it anymore.

we will probably fall asleep on the big green couch again tonight. to the sounds of the television, the dying of the first fire.

11 November 2011

11.11.11

11.11.11

(bathroom self portrait taken at 11:11 this morning and posted at 11:11 tonight)

kosovo in polaroids, part four

saturday market
(at the saturday morning market, where you can find everything from hand-carved wooden spoons to adidas sneaks to fresh produce to old-fashioned shaving cakes)

(for the record, that yellow raincoat is killing me)

peppers peppers peppers
(it was the height of pepper season in gjilan and I'll tell you, peppers were everywhere, giant bushels of bright-colored peppers e v e r y w h e r e)

freskëta
(the small neighborhood shops that sold nothing but eggs charmed me to no end)

raaaain
(six whole days of sunshine and on our last day, our one free day, it rained)

old world
(in a single image, this is gjilan)

sort of a dream to walk the streets of gjilan, kosovo with my trusty little sx-70. thank you so much for looking, friends. and I thank you for the kind words.

10 November 2011

kosovo in polaroids, part three

hapur
(këmishë= albanian for 'shirt')

vildan
(vildan, who came to the workshops and cut and pasted and painted, vildan, who loved having his picture taken)

kosovo/kosova
(everyday we passed this market and everyday I thought about how much I loved these letters, how much I loved the bright red and yellow)

peja
(peja, the unofficial beer of kosovo)

songs that hang
(like poetry)

(from gjilan, kosovo)

09 November 2011

kosovo in polaroids, part two

*
(I don't know how how the light around her head happened but I sure do love it)

art class
(awesome albanian teenagers)

artan's studio
(inside the studio of the fantastic albanian painter artan hajrullahu, whose work I fell head over heels in love with)

the sweetest thing
(and while we were visiting with artan in his studio, his mother brought us hot mint tea and apples she'd hand-picked from a tree in their backyard)

the first in his village
(while visiting albanian artist filloreta maliqi, she introduced us to her grandfather, a fine photographer and the first in his village to own a polaroid sx-70 back in the day)

*
(plastic colored clothespins, oh plastic colored clothespins)

sometimes I like to pair words and descriptions with my polaroids, sometimes I don't. scratch that, I don't. but something about the kosovo polaroids seems to call for it. more words added to part one and: parts three and four on deck.

for the record, it brings me great joy to share these polaroids from gjilan. it means the world that you even look. thank you.

07 November 2011

kosovo in polaroids, part one

biçikletë
(biçycletë= albanian for bicycle)

down the hill
(I raised my camera at them and they smiled but when I crossed my eyes, they broke into laughter)

laundry
(songs that hang)

ian
(ian, co-teacher and polaroid partner in crime)

souvenir
(I sort of wanted to marry this garage door)

(gjilan, kosovo through the lens of a polaroid sx-70)

05 November 2011

so far

this weekend

no film in the canon, not even close to finishing that one thing, socks sad and matching, crochet needles still cold, bike still motionless.

but-- the halloween candy is dead to me and I am practically BFFs with the rain. more importantly, a last minute trip to astoria put a little color in my cheeks and this magic little polaroid in my hands. take that, wanton slacker self.

04 November 2011

photobooth friday

photobooth friday

this weekend, I'll load up the canon FTb. I'll finish that thing I need to finish. I'll intentionally mismatch my socks. I'll ask my mother-in-law to teach me how to crochet. I'll get on my bike and I'll ride. I'll not steal halloween candy from you know who. I'll not complain about the rain.

you?

03 November 2011

more halloween

not nancy drew

she was all set to go as nancy drew and then she saw that pink wig at target. I've always wanted to wear a pink wig, she said. well okay then, you should wear one, I said. because surely halloween was invented for this very reason. for that somebody somewhere who just wanted an excuse to wear a pink wig. I would know nothing about this, of course. nothing at all.

I think

and then there was all the tusken raider business, which I really wish I could take credit for, but I can't. the tusken raider business is totally the husband's doing. whom, I believe, was really making the costume for his inner nine year-old self. meanwhile, ezra fell so deeply in love with it that he vowed to wear it every single halloween until he is old. old like a teenager, he said.

yep

yep, halloween 2011. year of lady bonbon, year of the tusken raider. and one for the books, that's for sure.