merry merry

well, in a last minute turn of events, we ended up someplace completely different for christmas. two airplanes, one bright red rental car and a few days of rigorous traveling found us on the opposite end of the country. and it's not what I planned, it's not what I'd originally hoped for but it was good, it was solid. it was time with family, with people we love. copious amounts of that joyous thing called merriment. I miss my mom and dad but I am thankful.

and I know I am late with this but merry merry to you! the merriest, friends.

photobooth friday

on a sunday, because that's how I'm rolling these days. this was my favorite birthday present, by the way. my absolute favorite.

last day

(super happy 2-for-1 sale ends tonight at midnight, west coast time)

(fyi)

roller happy

because I just had to share more roller rink photographs. I had to.

p.s. thanks for all the birthday wishes, peoples. thank you so much.

p.p.s. I can still totally rock the backwards skate.

birthday number 41

I never took the forty paper stars down from last year, you know. just couldn't ever bring myself to do it. so look what I found hanging from the ceiling sunday morning. a sweet little addition, compliments of the husband.


and look what I found on my desk. a mess of fresh cut paper snowflakes, compliments of ezra.


you know what else? we went rollerskating.


and consumed the following: onion rings, cherry slushees, cotton candy. in that order.


then, downtown-- to cargo, to cargo.


cargo, where I filled my basket with metallic paper party hats and neon balloon horns and mustache straws. well, and then I put it all back, since we are saving our pennies and all. though not before I tried out a few of those balloon horns AND LET ME TELL YOU THOSE THINGS WERE LOUD. I did not know they would be so loud. this made ava laugh. and pretend not to know me.


after cargo and just before dinner, the photobooth! naturally.


money well spent, kids. money well spent.


alas, my birthday restaurant of choice was closed so we opted for takeout. boo, birthday restaurant of choice. boo.


BUT. a chinese takeout floor picnic? next to a crackly fire in the fireplace? with fizzy raspberry lemonades and paper straws? better than any dinner in any restaurant, any day or night of the week. sorry, birthday restaurant of choice. it's true. I still love you, but it's true.


and then, a question. do I like being 41? yes, I think maybe I do. for the most part. but not more than your fancy loopy letter Ys and your gold paper snowflakes, ezra. I'd take those over 41 anyday.


hey, how about the cake. the red velvet cake, which I sort of botched this year. something went wrong with the frosting, I don't know. and then all those candles nearly melted the cake, nearly reduced it to a pile of goo. but whatever. I earned those candles, every last one of them. I refuse to skimp on candles. you shouldn't either.


after cake came presents-- the vintage kind, the handmade kind. win win. win win win all over the place.


finally, the aftermath. red velvet birthday cake for breakfast monday morning. double triple quadruple win. and birthday number 41=properly celebrated.

I really needed a day like this, friends. I cannot tell you how much I needed a day like this.

over at habit

hey friends, I'll be posting over at habit all month long. habit= lovely little internet space where people pair photographs of daily life with 30 words or less. wasn't sure I was up to it this go round but it's a practice I've come to love. and I think maybe this month will be one to document.

(many many thanks to emily and molly for having me)

unofficially official

it's my unofficial biannual super happy 2-for-1 holiday sale, friends. buy one print, get one free. buy two prints, get two free and so on and so forth. super double happy, see? new prints added to the shop and everything. order the print (or prints) you'd like and then, in that handy 'message to the seller' section, specify which print (or prints) you'd like for your freebies. special runs one week only-- today through thursday, december 8th. and I promise to enclose a little extra special something in each package. baked goods excluded. but you know, if I could mail out a red velvet cupcake with each print order, I totally would.

p.s. proceeds from said sale to benefit the emergency we-need-to-get-back-home-asap fund. looks like we might be packing up our little car and heading east for christmas. if all goes as planned, we'll be sailing through five states sooner rather than later. it's a crazy, crazy idea. but then, when love and family are involved, sometimes a little crazy is required.

(sale details here)

spirit

and so it is december. apparently, I am the last to know. am mustering up everything in me to make christmas magic around here, I am tapping the reserves. not sure where it's all going to come from but there are two children here and they are waiting for the little forest that lives on the mantle. they are waiting for the kooky little gold glittered santa boot that I bring out every year, for the santa mugs that line the bathroom window sill. they are waiting for christmas records and christmas picture books, for shiny old bulbs and sparkly white lights, for the scent of fresh cut christmas tree to fill the house. they are waiting for the jolly and the merry. my head is worlds away but I will get there this week. I know that I will.

thank you

for your kind comments, your encouraging emails, thank you. I know I've been vague about things but I'm just not able to share. yet. anyway, your prayers mean the world to me. I just wanted to say that.

vantage point

over at shutter sisters today with a few words about unexpected angles. hop on over, if you like.

one

from the archives. because that's just about all I can manage today, friends.

this is a picture I did not take

of hundreds of birds in trees just outside the hospital entrance. hundreds. and the pop and flutter of wings, staccato-like songs bouncing off evergreen branches onto concrete walls. for a second, there was nothing else. nothing but that swarm of birds and the sound of hospital doors opening and closing. for a second, everything else fell away.

(forever inspired)

list thirty-nine: 11 photographs of ward that I love

1. with ezra, overlooking the pacific ocean, northern california, june 2008


2. at the food carts on hawthorne and SE 11th, portland, august 2010


3. at the warwick hotel on his 40th birthday, seattle, november 2008


4. in the kitchen of our new place, our first month in portland, april 2007


5. on our first road trip down highway 101, klamath, california, june 2008


6. downtown portland, christmas break 2008


7. with ava (baby ava!), miami beach, florida, july 2001


8. after burgers and fries at mel's diner, san francisco, june 2008


9. in an alleyway somewhere in seattle, may 2007


10. in our front yard, halloween 2010


11. on a beach blanket with me, kure beach, north carolina, july 1998

happy birthday, awesome husband of mine. happy happy birthday to you. here's to more decades filled with favorite photographs of you. decades and decades and decades.

the truth is that

all I really want to do is post pretty pictures of pretty things. I don't want to talk about the real reason I flew home or how hard the last couple of days have been. I don't want to talk about how this will be the first thanksgiving I've ever spent away from the kids, how I'll miss ward's birthday tomorrow, how sad and strange that all feels.

but I really am exactly where I need to be. and for this, I am thankful.

home

spent most of yesterday on a few airplanes. am now exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing: taking care of someone I love.

sneak peak

at my next piece for UPPERCASE magazine. plus a word that speaks to the week ahead. would like to slip a little invincible on, wear it like a coat all week long.

because today has been rough

and I could use a little color. I could use a little of the happy stuff. I don't know, maybe someone else could too. there's a dark place and it involves difficult phone conversations and difficult decisions and the realization that the week ahead has suddenly changed into something else all together. dear life, I get it. you're mercurial.

photobooth friday

I've been thinking about my mom and dad a lot today. missing them in ways that are hard to articulate. looking at ways to get home. hatching a plan.

list thirty-eight: places I'd like to spend the night

I keep a running list. is what I'm saying.

oh to spend the night:

1. in this spectacular 1953 vagabond trailer, el cosmico, marfa, texas

2. in this perfect bohemian balcony room, bonito, buenos aires, argentina

3. in this unreal finnish igloo, hotel kakslauttanen, finland

4. in this crazy ridiculous pink room, madonna inn, san luis obispo, california

5. in a room with a view, washington square hotel, greenwich village, new york

6. in a luxury traincar traveling across india, with brocade wallpaper and marigold details and jingly chandeliers

7. in this amazing cave room (that must be climbed down into), kokopelli's b&b, farmington, new mexico

8. in this lovely attic room (that must be climbed up into), les toits de paris, paris, france

9. in the turquoise room (because surely there's a turquoise room), pantone hotel, brussels, belgium

10. in the room with the fantastic bedspread, peacock pavillions, marrakech, morocco

11. in a bungalow that sits over water so clear it cannot possibly be real, four seasons, bora bora

12. in a room with a sweet little record player and a sweet little fireplace, ace hotel, palm springs, california

13. in a room that is cavernous and magic, fairy chimney inn, cappadocia, turkey

14. and pretty much anywhere here, cinque terre, italy

outside the lines

today: originals and outtakes from the impossible project show outside the lines, which opened in new york on september 29th. the top one of ezra hangs giant-sized in the soho space and originals of the third and fifth also found a place in the show. I'm partial to the second one, even though it didn't make the cut. something about the super soft focus, something about the movement and the color. feels like a painting.

the truth is that I had a hard time shooting for this show. I was so completely honored to have been asked to participate that the weight of the whole thing almost pulled me under. and then, somewhere near the middle, my camera lost it-- spit out frame after frame after frame in rapid succession before it sputtered and died. well, and then it came back to life again. long story. I'll tell you, the whole process was an exercise in perseverance, an exercise in not shutting down. because that's what I do sometimes when things go awry. I shut down. and I probably did shut down, just for a minute or two (okay maybe for longer than that) but I did not hurl my camera across the room (so glad I didn't) and I kept shooting (so glad I did). because sometimes you just have to keep shooting. and resist the urge to hurl things.

many thanks to all the folks who've been to the show and reported back (I am living vicariously, you know)-- most especially to my brother von and my good friend jen (who both represented on opening night, huzzah) and to lovely secia, who wrote about her visit to the show here. checkit, the official impossible project opening night recap is here. also, many many many thanks to the impossible project folks for inviting me to participate in the show in the first place and perhaps most importantly, for making crazy ridiculous beautiful instant film.

still sort of holding out hope that I'll make it to new york to see the show before it ends on january 31st. it's a total long shot but you know, a girl can dream.